It’s good to see everybody. Last week I was in Madison, Wisconsin, promoting the Allstate 60 Seconds of Mayhem sweepstakes. I owe a sincere apology for the incident that took place at the local indoor waterpark. Boy, I had been looking forward to the water slides all week. When I finally got to the top, they informed me I was too big to slide down. Enraged, I stood in the mouth of the slide, refusing to let the children use it and calling them names based on what I perceived to be their biggest insecurities. When you’re doing blocking drills on the football field, do you wonder if one day you’ll use those same skills to prevent kids from getting on a water slide? All the time. Sir William Winton once said, “Do not wallow in the regret of things you’ve done; move onward.” And maybe he wasn’t referring to lodging yourself in a water slide to protest an unfair size rule. But then again, maybe he was.
I’ll make it up to the city of Madison the best way I know how: by signing footballs. In fact, I vow to sign footballs every day for the rest of my weekend. I will put this behind me. I will water slide again. I will probably have to use an alias to get pool access. My behavior in no way reflects my sponsor, Allstate, or its wonderful Madison area agents. The Allstate 60 Seconds of Mayhem sweepstakes will continue. Let’s hope someone from Madison wins the truck, motorcycle, skiboat, and RV. Thank you. .